GAME OF THRONES SEASON 5- EPISODE 7 ‘THE GIFT’

It’s snowing- winter is finally here! If only Ned was here to see.

I really want Jon’s mutiny-tempting expedition to be a success, but I am not at all sure his brothers will welcome him home upon his return. Maester Aemon is dying, revealing memories of Egg the future tyrant king. A heartbreaking exit from a minor but remarkable character; ‘Egg, I dreamed I was old’. As the Maester’s life fails he calls to the dead, and Sam waves goodbye to his final friend.

When the rotund hero defended his lady I feared him lost -‘I’ll take my chances’ he gambled, as the blows reigned down. But Ghost haunts his steps and Sam lives to be deflowered- one sex scene i really didn’t need to see, like spying on your brother- something only Cersei is comfortable with.

Reek feels rather reminiscent of Igor this season- a crippled shadow haunting the halls of Winterfell. Sansa is bruised and battered from her candlelit horror, yet regal in captivity, a teary rage fueled Sophie Turner is utterly compelling. Please let the damsel save herself from this distress.

Stannis bravely touts his ‘only forward’ policy, but in what world will his steps venture forth? Surely not a land where he butchers his only heir to secure a kingdom? Not Shireen! He speaks for us all when confronting Mellisandre’s horrific suggestion: ’have you lost your mind?!’ Stannis, she never had it.

In Kings Landing the stage is occupied by sparring partners worthy of the title; namely The Queen of Thorns and the High Sparrow. As they compare ailments Olenna comes to realise the sparrow has changed the rules of the game – can she outwit the fledgeling usurper?

Across the seas on the isle of disappointment… I mean Dorne… some rebels are languishing in a prison cell. A lot can be forgiven of this scene simply for the joy of hearing Bronn sing. The littlest Sand Snake sheds her tacky garb and performs a striptease. Classy. Weren’t the Sand Snakes meant to be kick-ass women, not strippers who just happen to have weapons? And what is the point of poisoning the Bronn, stripping for him, then curing him? Is this where the saying ‘mad as snakes’ comes from?

Back at the Meerenese slave sale: Tyrion beats a man bloody with his chains to remain with his captor- Stockholm syndrome? Jorah has his Khaleesi sensors up, and ploughs into battle fearlessly without slaughtering a soul. NO ONE PUTS JORAH IN THE CORNER. But will the dwarfish gift be good enough to save his skin? Did he keep the receipt?

And finally Cersai gets her comeuppance, but I somehow feel for her. What black magic is this? Sympathy for the devil? Or is she simply what Daddy dearest made her? She might be down, but not out just yet – never bet against a Lannister.

One princess endangered, two Queens imprisoned and one Khaleesi learning the best things come in small packages. Except dragons.

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