Tyrion always has known how to sell himself: ’I am the greatest Lannister killer of all time’. We are witnessing a true dance of dragons- the Khaleesi and the Imp sounding each other out with barbs and wit- this pairing is everything I hoped it would be, and more. He balances her idealism with his cynicism, and ensures Jorah lives to fight for his Khaleesi another day- as a slave if he can’t as a freeman. Oh seven hells! Jorah please don’t join Barristan in the seven heavens of Westeros!

The terrible children of terrible fathers trade horror stories over wine, bonding in spite of themselves. Could the cynic turn believer at the Khaleesi’s court? Yet if Dani truly aims to break the wheel, her prodigal scaly son must return to her- Drogon, come home!

Arya finally gets to look like a girl, with new clothes and everything- Sansa would be pleased. Her new outfit signals a new name and new story to serve the many faced god. A man shows a girl injustice, a girl will reset the balance, or die trying.

‘If I could do what Ramsey did to you, right here right now, I would’ bravo Sansa. Play the Stark not the wallflower. The revelation that Bran and Rickon live, prised from Theon against his whimpering will, sparks her eyes anew- is there light in the darkness? Dear god I hope so. And that Ramsey dies on his ambush assignment- but let’s be realistic.


Welcome to Hardholme. Cue incredible wintery shots and fiery tempers The Lord of Bones must have a short memory- you don’t mess with Tormund. The loveable ginger also has the line of the night: ‘he’s prettier than both my daughters’, yes Tormund, we envy Kit’s hair too. We are introduced to a new female wilding whose sarcastic jibes make her my instant favourite: ’beat the white walkers? Good luck with that’

As the rescue boats are loaded all hell breaks loose, and the dead attack the living in a battle that puts Blackwater to shame. The enemy won’t stay down, and the boats are heading the way of Titanic- things really are grim up north. Jon nearly perishes more times than I thought humanly possible, (even in Westeros!), batted around like a rag doll. Then his sword comes to the rescue as his ears ring- turns out Valyrian steel can kill white walkers! Yes, this was news to them too- the shock was comical and the relief when Jon lived to fight another day was immense.

Don’t get too emotionally comfortable though- our new favourite lady wildling meets dead baby white walkers, and in the face of such horror she can only scream as she is felled by the children of death- yes, once again my new favourite character is dead. I should have guessed, this being ‘Game of Thrones’ and all. In the face of destruction Jon and company run to the boats, their last sight: the head of the deathly army, raising his hands, and the dead wildling army rising with them, the hordes of the enemy swollen with the new additions, the enemy triumphant.

Jon did know something after all- it happened just as he said. Don’t you hate being right?


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