IF IT AIN’T BROKE….

We are living in an age of sequels and reboots. Toy Story became Toy Saga, The Doctor regenerated after a rather long holiday. Even Poldark repeated himself in a younger lustier form. And yes, on these occasions the gamble paid off. A successful story was remastered or continued without losing it’s artistic integrity, or falling in the all important ratings. Yet that does not mean the TV gods should re-mould all the stars in the sky! Oh no. For every Doctor Who there is a Joey. For each House of Cards there is an ‘Enterprise’ (remember that one? Neither does anyone else). To encourage the powers that be to leave well enough alone and let the golden shows stay shining an unsullied, here are my 7  shows they need to keep their grubby paws off- on pain of screen smashing and twitter ranting…

1. FRIENDS

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Yes, so there was Joey, but we don’t really count Joey. 10 perfect seasons of pre-Facebook awkwardness. Chemistry. The Rachel. The apartment. THE MOMENT SHE GOT OFF THE PLANE. Imagine a Friends without Jennifer Aniston and co. In a new Central Perk. Where they actually PAY for coffee. NO. Not happening.

2. PRIDE & PREJUDICE
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The BBC version, naturally. I am still in denial about the Keira Knightly travesty. Jennifer Ehle IS Lizzy. Colin Firth wouldn’t be Colin Firth had he not been Darcy. Imagine a world where that lake scene was copied with another man donning the sodden breeches. Then weep into your smelling salts crying ‘IS NOTHING SACRED’

3. GILMORE GIRLS
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I am 99.9% sure that Lauren Graham is actually Lorelei, and Gilmore Girls is in fact her life. I would prefer it if nobody disabused me of this notion, and also if she could feed me endless coffee and pop tarts. Yes please.

4. LOST
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Because we were punished enough the first time around. What about the sodding polar bears huh? WHY?!

5. FIREFLY
FIREFLY
I’m going to state the obvious: it should never have been cancelled. Luckily we have Serenity, but we were cheated out of more Malcolm Reynolds escapades, and that would make even shiny happy Kayleigh pissed. Yet to remake a Joss Wheedon show- ANY Joss Wheedon show- is TV suicide. He is THE MASTER- and not in the ‘Buffy’ sense of the word…at least I hope not….

6. BLACKADDER
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Unless the group get back together this one is strictly off limits. Utterly original; they scripted, they acted, they cracked us up. Any replications would be poor substitutes- NOT a cunning plan.

7. THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF

Programme Name: Great British Bake Off - TX: n/a - Episode: n/a (No. n/a) - Embargoed for publication until: 13/08/2013 - Picture Shows: l-r Sue Perkins, Mel Giedroyc - (C) Love Productions - Photographer: Des Willie
Without Mary there is no show. Bow down before Berry- and let her eat cake.

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