Game of Thrones

THE 10 MOST ANNOYING GAME OF THRONES CHARACTERS

In just a few short months the world of Westeros will once again grace our screens.

What the war to come will bring we cannot tell …except that many beloved and hated characters will surely die in increasingly grisly ways – it is known.

Beloved heroes such as good old dead Ned fall victim to George R R Martin, but then so do deliciously evil dogs like the late and not-so-great Bastard of Bolton.

To celebrate our much anticipated return to the seven kingdoms here is my definitive list of the ten MOST ANNOYING inhabitants of the realm. Not necessarily the villains of the piece in every instance, but certainly protagonists for whom the god of death would be wise to hurry the hell up, if he hasn’t called already.

Robyn Arryn

The breastfeeding brat from the Vale. Lover of moon doors, Littlefinger, and most of all, himself. He couldn’t make the bad man fly (praise the gods), but he could display bad judgement at every turn, and a wilful disregard for snow sculpture. The cad.

Joffrey

As well as being a psychotic spoilt brat (I’m sensing a theme here – parenting skills must be pretty dire in Westeros) Joffrey boasted: lack of empathy, sadism and an arrogant entitlement, which sever to render him the most slappable resident of King’s Landing – which explains why not only did our beloved imp sock it to his royal highness once, but twice. On behalf of each an everyone of us, I thank you sir.

Shae

Oh Tyrion. You are afraid your despotic daddy will kill me ? Just because he is all powerful and has said repeatedly that he will? Don’t worry my lion, I will kill them all through sheer wishful thinking and my collection of floaty dresses. And if he does come for us? I will willfully misunderstand your attempts to save my life and sleep with your beloved papa. Because that’s how Shae rolls.

 

Stannis

I applaud the man’s appreciation of grammar, but COME ON. You have Davos on one hand, and a red witch on the other. It’s pretty obvious who you should be listening to. But no. You burn your own daughter alive on the advice of a lady in red .Not exactly majestic behaviour my liege, and your sorry end could have been avoided had you applied your not inconsiderable intelligence to matters of life and death instead of semantics. Just a suggestion

The Sand Snakes

I am including Ellaria in this, because lets face it with their lack of characterisation in the series they are all pretty interchangable. in the books these women are enigmatic ninjas. In the show they are foolish b-movie porno wannabes. Thank the lord Olenna showed up to get them in line. Oh and killing Oberyn’s brother because he didn’t wanted to slaughter an innocent girl? Waaaaaay too far guys. Not cool.

Game of Thrones game of thrones hbo ellaria sand indira varma GIF

Olly

What the hell Olly?! Your family is killed so you turn on the man who took you in and tried to make peace in the land? No child was ever so hated. By the old gods and the new, your ending was deserved.

Loras Tyrell

Apparently all the Tyrell brains go to the women of the clan. Margaery becomes Queen and warns brother to be more subtle in his illicit trysts but no, he plays right into Cersei’s hands. Without his weapons the captive knight of the flowers is merely a wilted rose for Margaery to tiredly rescue from the Sparrow’s clutches even as she too is in the talons of the faith militant due to his failure to heed her warnings. Not the brightest torch in the castle then.

The Waif

What in seven hells is her problem? From the very first she marks Arya as a target, waxing lyrical on how a girl is not up to the challenge. Then she giddily rushes off to assassinate her rival, whom she had been PROMISED she could kill, meaning she has asked in advance for this extra special treat? A girl is not amused.


Tommen

The boy’s lack of spine is infuriating. He won’t stand up to anyone. Not even a crown upon his his little head gives him the power to rescue his beloved wife, or to stand up to his own mother, or even to stand up FOR his mother after mr faith militant himself parades her naked through the streets! As a king the boy wonder is dead flop (pun intended – too soon?). Margaery has more gumption in her little finger.

Bran

Hold the door

Hold it yourself you disobedient entitled lordling *sob*

Technically a hero of the piece, so this choice is perhaps controversial, but hear me out. If he hadn’t climbed the wall against his mum’s wishes he wouldn’t have fallen. If he hadn’t sent Rickon away he might have lived. If he hadn’t disobeyed the three eyed raven then his most loyal protectors, Summer and Hodor, would still be growling and Hodoring respectively.  In fact Hodor would have retained all his marbles and still be named Willis. FOR SHAME BRAN.


Here ends the official record of ye moste irritating inhabitants of yonder seven kingdoms.

Valar Morghulis. All men must die, but some deserve their fate more than others.

39 THOUGHTS I HAD WHILST WATCHING GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 EPISODE 9 – THE BATTLE OF THE BASTARDS

1. OK. So this is the big one. Sadist versus Snow.
2. Jon can’t die AGAIN right?
3. Wait – MEREEN?!
4. We get TWO battles?! Oh HBO you spoil us.
5. Let us take a minute to admire Dany’s braid-work in a time of crisis.
6. The dwarf tempers the less attractive Targaryen qualities – perhaps the madness can be tempered by reason in a small package?
7. Those Masters are far to smug to stay alive .Plus no one owns Grey Worm. He is a free elf! I mean- man.
8. The slavers should probably not have forgotten she owns dragons. Three of them.

HBO

HBO

9. Oh, and also she has a Dothraki horde at her beck and call – horses beat harpies, every time.
10. We should probably take a minute to appreciate how amazing grey worm is *appreciative silence*
11.The North is an icy oil painting
12. ‘You don’t have to be here’ ‘yes I do’ you tell him, Sansa.
13. Lyanna Mormont’s scowl is a weapon of mass destruction.

HBO

HBO

14. Honour and righteousness meet cunning and bloodlust.
15. But Jon can be cunning too: ‘will your men want to fight for you, when they hear you wouldn’t fight for them?’
16. Sansa doesn’t feel the cold. She IS the cold: ‘you’re going to die tomorrow Lord Bolton. Sleep well’.
17. Jon explaining military tactics to Tormund is precious.
18. Sansa is taking down the patriarchy one man at a time: ‘did it ever once occur to you that I might have some insight?!’
19. He would do well to listen to his little sister. Jon has seen hell, sure, but Sansa has lived it.
20. ‘We’ll never get him back…he won’t live long’ harsh, but I am not betting on Rickon surviving the episode.
21. ‘Has the Iron Islands ever had a queen before?’ ‘No more than Westeros’. well played, Yara. Welcome to the kick-ass queen mutual appreciation society.

HBO

HBO

22. ‘I never demand but I’m up for anything really’ – the queen is amused.
23. Can you feel the love in this pyramid?
24. Back at the battlefield, Ramsey’s games are about to begin.
25. The sadist drags the littlest direwolf out to ‘play’

HBO

HBO

26. ‘Don’t!’ Tormund knows better, Sansa warned him, but Jon falls hook line and sinker.
27. What follows is a tangle of flailing hooves, broken bodies and howling screams.
28. Jon is crushed by bodies, choking for life, drowning among the dead
29. The trampled hero choses to live! Praise the old gods and the new!

HBO

HBO

30. Tormund gets a second wind as Sansa brings a saving grace over the hilltops.
31. Now Ramsey is the hunted. He looks less than amused.
32. The she-wolf that Sansa has become smells blood and starts to smile
33. Notice the shield Snow uses to deflect Ramsey’s final futile attack features the Mormont bear – little Lyanna will be pleased
34. Only Sansa’s flinty expression makes Lord Snow put vengeance on pause.
35. Ramsey is even smug in defeat – ‘I’m part of you now’ Ye gods I hope not.
36. It shouldn’t be this satisfying to see a man eaten face-first by his own hounds.
37. And yet it is.
38. Sansa’s smile as she walks away is everything.

HBO

HBO

39. Long live the She-wolf!

Dragons – ALL THREE! Dracarys slaver scum!
Direwolves – None, which is probably for the best as no-one wants any more canine deaths.
Nudity – No time for naughty business during the battle.
Deaths – Oh thousands. Happily, though, the hounds are now fed.

58 THOUGHTS I HAD WHILST WATCHING GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 EPISODE 8 ‘NO ONE’

1.Opening with Essie Davis is always a good idea.
2.If this Cersei were the real Cersei Kings Landing would be a happier place.
3.So it stands to reason that the bloody little stark would hide behind her curtains.
4.I have a feeling this motherly actress is too nice to live.

HBO

HBO

5.Oh the brutal brotherhood. Really? Still alive? Disappointing.
6.YES the Hound returns – armed and dangerous- they’re not laughing now.
7.Slaughter probably shouldn’t be so satisfying.
8.‘You’re shit at dying you know that’ – the Hound and Bronn get all the best lines.
9.The Eunuch’s departure does not bode well for Tyrion.
10.Who is Varys heading to for help? The Tyrells? The Dornish?
11.Remember Dorne? I try not to.
12.Cersei’s following has grown rather small – creepy Qybern and the Franken-Mountain.

HBO

HBO

13.Wow Lancel may be just as repulsive as Tommen – weakness masquerading as righteousness.
14.‘You have a keen military mind pod’ Brienne, queen of the sardonic put-down.
15.Bronn and Pod the reunion! T shirts will be made.
16.The first rule of Bronn’s Fight Club is – fight dirty.
17.Brienne is the good knight on Jamie’s soldier.
18.Sadly he listens to his sister and inner demons.
19.She sees the good in him, but he is blind to it.
20.She tries to return his sword – I may cry.

HBO

HBO

21.He’s not my friend – oh Brienne, who are you kidding.
22.‘She’s exactly like her mother’ let’s hope Sansa stays alive longer than Cat …
23.I do love the Blackfish’s spirit – even if his attitude to the siege is rather kamikaze.
24.Cersei’s uncle may not be on her Christmas list this year ‘your place is in the gallery’
25.‘From this day forward trial by combat will be forbidden’ wow, Tommen is challenging Joffrey for worst son in Westeros.
26.The ‘old rumour’ the little birds are chirping of to Qyburn – would it be to do with wildfire?
27.Meerenese Tyrion continues to be defined by his alcoholism.
28.Although his argument that Grey Worm is obeying his masters by abstaining is clever.
29.‘The Imp’s Delight’ sounds like a name for something rather more sinister than wine…
30.The outlook for Missandei and Grey Worm’s comedy career is bleak
31.…and the (rather forced) laughter is interrupted by an invading slaver fleet, naturally.
32.Tobias Menzies (Edmure) is one of the greatest actors of modern TV ( see Outlander).

HBO

HBO

33.He shows more spirit when captive than he ever did free ‘how do you live with yourself?’
34.‘Don’t talk about Cat’ – and my Stark-loving heart breaks just a little more.
35.Jamie truly has returned to the dark side. He wears it well though.
36.And so Riverrun falls, suddenly yet inevitably, due to Lannister cunning and sworn loyalties.
37.It’s like Ned Stark all over again.
38.You’ll serve Sansa far better than I ever could – well why not fight for her TOGETHER then?!!!
39.Is the Blackfish truly dead and buried? is this a Stannis or Hound situation?
40.The twilight escape of Brienne and Pod shows us a last glimpse of Jamie’s better qualities.

HBO

HBO

41.There is warmth in his heart, but his fist is still golden.
42.‘You do not know what the army should do’ – Grey Worm tells it like it is.
43.Dany’s home – and she doesn’t look impressed. Regal? Yes. Happy? Not so much.
44.Would it have killed Drogon to stick around a little longer? Burn a few slavers, like old times?
45.It is pleasing to learn the Brotherhood still have a good name.
46.I hope Sandor joins Thoros and Company – think of the witty repartee.
47.If this hanging party means Lady Stoneheart has been forsaken, I will mount an insignificant but highly impassioned protest.

HBO

HBO

48.And so the actress makes her final exit, thanks to the waif, who seems to be made of pure evil.
49.Farewell Lady Crane, you were too good for this world. Literally.
50.Is the House of Black and White really just a bunch of sadistic assassins? Why the pretence at spirituality then?!
51.The chase is incredible – I love the clumsiness of the spectacle.
52.More back alley brutality than James Bond glamour

HBO

HBO

53.No one should find murder this fun
54.Unless they are killing Joffrey of course.
55.A girl doesn’t need eyes to see, and doesn’t need light to kill
56.Goodbye and good riddance to the Waif.

HBO

HBO

57.‘A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell, and I’m going home’ : cue cheering, dancing and general jubilation
58. A man can put it in his pipe and smoke it – the Stark is back, and though she is little she is mighty.

NUDITY – None
DEATH – Lady Crane (Boo) the Waif (Yay) plus assorted murderers.
DRAGONS – One, ever so briefly.
DIREWOLVES – None, but then there aren’t many left…

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 EPISODE 7 – THE BROKEN MAN

Curtain up on a pastoral scene, where a show off is carrying an entire tree. Who is this shameless attention seeker? Why it’s the Hound, but we already knew that, because Ian McShane is the worst secret keeper in the history of the seven kingdoms.

in Kings Landing Margaery is mirroring the sparrow’s own moves,and what a man this Sparrow is: “Congress does not require desire on the women’s part.” Charming. Ever the crafty queen, Margaery nails her colours to the mast on a secret scrap of paper, reassuring and saving her beloved Queen of Thorns at the same time. Margaery isn’t going down without a fight. All roses have thorns – the sparrow should remember that.

HBO

HBO

She may be leaving, but Olenna has time for one final round with Cersei on her way out of the door. The matriarch of Westeros puts the blame squarely on the queen mother’s shoulders. Cersei’s franken-shadow undercuts her feigned humility, and Olenna is having none of it: “You’ve lost Cersei, it’s the only joy I could find in all this misery”.

Over at Riverun it is safe to say employing Bronn is the best decision the Kingslayer ever made. Even so, the Blackfish has more strength in his little finger than the entire pathetic siege of Freys. Nothing scares this veteran of horrors – you can’t drown a fish in home waters.

HBO

HBO

And now for the star of the episode: Lyanna Mormont. To quote Shakespeare: “though she be little she is fierce”. Don’t offer her smalltalk, and don’t attempt flattery “Lady Sansa is a Bolton. Or is she a Lannister?” Only the Onion Knight can thaw the steely bear cub. Davos is the sole voice of compassionate reason in a cruel world run mad. Lyanna joins their ranks with her *ahem* 62 men “If they are half as ferocious as their last, the Boltons are doomed” well said sir.

Lord Glover ,on the other hand, has not half of the feisty she-bear’s guts. Driven solely by fear, his honour is lost to prejudice. Sansa is bold, but rather new to negotiation. Although she is new to war I do side with her over Jon on battle strategy. They need more men, else the battle will become a martyrdom. Who else is betting Lady Stark’s candlelit missive is wending its way to a disgraced mockingbird?

HBO

HBO

We then returning to the resuscitated Hound, shortly before the saviour Septon is crushed by his own idealism. The futility of the scene is frustrating for us, but also for Clegane. He can’t bury his head in the sand to the screams; he has seen too much blood to believe blind naivety can wash the guilty clean, or that it can protect the pure from a brutal end. The hound is masterless once more, with yet more hate to fuel his life-force.

A girl doesn’t seem to be hiding back in Bravos. She acts rather more ladylike than the needle-wielder we love, then stands in plain sight ready for the wrinkly fairy tale villain to draw her blade. This is all too simple – either Arya is not wearing her own face, or this assassination is staged.. One thing is certain – a girl is harder to kill than that. Ask Cersei, Sir Meryn or Polliver. Direwolves bite back, and Jaquen may have made her list.

HBO

HBO

Dragons – None.

Direwolves – None. This is confusing.

Nudity – Ah this is more normal. The brothel scene filled the traditional quota.

Violence – Goodbye Sir Septon. I would be sad, if your actor had not been such a blabbermouth.

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 EPISODE 6 – BLOOD OF MY BLOOD

Over halfway through the season the pieces are starting to fall into place, but the final picture remains unclear. Characters collide, re-emerge from their hiding places and wage war on their enemies, but the iron throne is still very much in play.

Bran, my least favourite giant killer, obviously hasn’t learned the concept of chivalry, and leaves poor Meera to run for both their lives yet again. No amount of visions will bring Hodor back Bran! Although the glimpse of the mad king amongst the flashbacks is truly spectacular. Then as another Stark death seems imminent a mysterious fire-wielding horseman enters stage left. Perhaps he took the ‘burn them all’ vision a little literally. And the saviour behind the scarves? Long lost Uncle Benjen! Frostbitten, but alive. He’s no Hodor, but a pleasant surprise nontheless.

South of the wall Randyll Tarly is a new candidate for worst father in Westeros. If Tywin wasn’t dead, he’d be jealous. Let Sam eat his bread you racist tyrant! This is by far the best part of the episode. Gilly cleans up nicely – the Seven Kingdoms version of Disney’s Belle, but with a sharper tongue when provoked. “I’m angry that horrible people can treat good people that way and get away with it’ . Welcome to the seven kingdoms Gilly. The unlikely hero’s roasting on home turf left a bitter taste in the mouth, but his change of heart is both unexpected and wonderful, As always Samwell does his heroism by night, where no one can see. Our favourite couple flee with babe and sword in arms – we’ll be seeing more of daddy dearest then.

The curtain rises on the second act of the play with in a play , the satirised propaganda of the seven kingdoms, the Westerosi Mock the Week. Lady Crane makes even Joffrey piteous – a good actress playing a good actress playing a queen- an triumph of a performance. If the real Cersei had been half as charming, Arya would never have fled Kings Landing. Her name today was Mercy, and the wannabe poisoner took it to heart: ‘careful of that one, she wants you dead’. A girl is still a Stark, and a girl retrieves needle once more! Finished with stick fighting and floor washing, our favourite assassin is once more armed and dangerous…. and on Jaquen’s list.

And now for the greatest anticlimax of the episode: Kings Landing. Margaery’s lucious locks remain in tact because there is to be no walk of shame. Jamie’s dramatic horsemanship is undercut by the Sparrow’s checkmate – Tommen the brainless strikes again, pandering to fanatics, and stopping the much hyped battle on the steps of the sept, before it starts. I believe Margaery is playing the long game, and that her gullible husband will be playing a rather shortened version.

For the finale Dany’s favourite baby returns to give the Khaleesi wings, and the dragon queen rides again! Her speech is inspiring and terrifying in equal measure. She riles the troops, but is HBO hinting at a Targaryen tyrant lurking within the breaker of chains? I truly hope not. There is more than one way to kill a favourite character – please Mr Martin, don’t kill mine.

Dragons: Welcome back Drogon

Direwolves: None, since Bran allowed his to DIE

Deaths: None (barring white walkers)

Nudity: None. This is Westeros right?

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 EPISODE 4 – BOOK OF THE STRANGER

Brace yourselves people of the seven kingdoms, we may have just born witness to the best episode of all time. I kid ye not, it as if last week’s lackluster effort was simply to blind-sight fans before unveiling a surprise masterpiece.

Two Starks, In the same place. At the same time. Hugging. My emotions cannot take the joy, and surely someone we love will die pretty soon to pay for this brief moment of triumph, but right now I don’t care as JON AND SANSA ARE HUGGING. Plus Tormund and Brienne are my new favourite couple. Of course something had to break the Stark spell, and as usual, that something is Ramsay. Each ‘come and see’ built the horror, particularly when read in Jon’s dispassionate tones. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and it is Sansa, not Jon, who instigates the plot to wreak vengeance on the bastard of Bolton. Hang out your dire wolf flags – Sansa is taking back her birthright.

Indeed this episode was a smack in the teeth for all those critics who deem Thrones to be misogynistic. While Margaery picks delicate holes in the Sparrow’s highly crafted parable of an autobiography, Loras breaks under the strain. Take the sword away and the knight is dwarfed by his sister’s strength. The Iron islands glimpse of the week told a similar tale – Theon is broken in every way, longing only for home and family, whatever form that takes. His sister provides a chilly welcome until Theon explains he wants her, not himself, to rule. Well, obviously, Yara. He can’t look you in the eye, let alone fight you.

The only downer of the episode is that Tyrion continues to languish in Mereen devoid of all his usual wit. His political reasoning was sound and cunning, but I predict the slavers are a few steps ahead of our favourite dwarf in this game.

Tonight’s episode, though, belonged to Daenerys, the mother of dragons who does not need her children, or her advisers, to rescue her. The Khal’s grotesque threats echoed those of her late brother, a sure sign the Khal had signed his own death warrant. After she (literally) brought the house down, Dany’s cold yet fiery gaze as she emerged naked and goddess-like from the flames was triumphant. Those focusing on her nudity here have missed the point – this moment was not sexual. Hers was a stance of power, not vulnerability. Sorry Katniss, but we have a new girl on fire.

Dragons – None. This Khaleesi can save herself

Direwolves – Ghost remains silently scouting the wall with Jon. I didn’t see him, but I know he’s there, which makes me happy.

Deaths – Oh Osha. That wasn’t much of a Thrones return for you was it?

Nudity – The new Dothraki Goddess. Bow down muggles.

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 – EPISODE 2 – HOME

Kit Harrington is the biggest liar in the seven kingdoms. Were he Pinocchio, his nose would reach all the way from the wall to Mereen. But there was more to this episode than Jon Snow’s resurrection (HE’S ALIVE), however it is difficult to recall what that ‘more’ is when jumping for joy and shrieking at the TV. Which I did not do. Obviously.

Aside from Lord Commander, Sansa has been the star of the season so far. Her transformation into a Catelyn-Cersei hybrid is thrilling. Her segment this episode was small, but her wry remarks on hearing that not only was her sister alive, but dressed as an urchin, were perfect. I also think it is important that Sansa’s saviour is not an armoured hero, but an armoured heroine.

Jamie’s interlude with the High Sparrow was intriguing. The Sparrow is a terrifying foe – a villain who believes himself the hero. Let us not forget Tommen, throne-holder du jour, who has surely signed his own death warrant by asking his mother for help. Cersei’s quiet rage combined with a recklessness born of the seer’s prophecy, make her even more deadly.

The Iron Islands finally made a reappearance, along with Balon (member of Tywin’s worst father’s of Westeros club) who exits soon after his entrance by the hand of the deliciously demented Euron .

Another parent meeting his maker this week was the turncoat Roose Bolton. I predicted that he would pay for underestimating his sadistic son, and their final embrace was a directiorial gem – I was sure one would die at the other’s hand, but for a second I did not know whose hands were clutching the knife. The less said about the demise of the deceased’s wife and newborn the better – they didn’t show the gore, but Ramsey’s expression was horror enough.

Arya is getting far better at pretending to be no-one, but before you give up the on the little Stark remember – needle remains hidden, as does her true self.

The Tyrion-is-a-Targaryen theory got a whole lot more credible this week, when our favourite dwarf showed us how to train a dragon. Tyrion’s dragon-charming childhood tale was so beautifully underplayed that I hung of his every word. As, apparently, did the dragons.

And so we come to the wall, where Tormund and Davos make a fearsome duo. Of course it does help that they have a giant (Wun Wun smash!). Davos’ pep talk to his former nemesis was unexpected and transfixing; the Onion Knight believes in people, not gods. Yet I fear Jon would still be stone cold if Melisandre’s incantations had not been followed a pious ‘please’.

HBO are the masters of delayed gratification – praise R’hllor that Ghost knew better than the disappointed crowd. Apparently dog still is man’s best friend, even after death.

Deaths- 5 (2 bad dads, one mother and baby, and one man who poked a giant.)

Direwolves – 1

Dragons – 2

Resurrections – 1!!!!!!!!

Nudity – None. This is Game of Thrones, right?

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 – EPISODE 1 – THE RED WOMAN

The long wait is over…except it isn’t, as Jon Snow is still very much dead, indicating HBO are saving the big resurrection reveal for a later episode. We obviously have NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH.

Meanwhile Davos is coming into his own in the wake his King’s death- out from under Stannis’ coattails he channels his practical pirate persona and becomes the leader of the late Snow’s disciples. He reminds them that they have hoards of Jon-loving wildlings on their doorstep. ‘Oh Yeah’ they cry, and stall Thorne with requests for mutton.

Assuming Jon DOES come back to life (cross fingers) then Davos would make a great Hand of the King, don’t you think?

Sansa and Reek’s flight is as traumatic as expected, but Brienne’s rescue was masterful. There were huge echoes of Lady Catelyn in the pledge, indicating a fulfilling of Stark destiny perhaps? The music, the fear, the battle sequence and the vows brought tears to my eyes. To remain stone faced, you had to be a Bolton.

Dorne continues to disappoint, although my idealistic side hopes this HUGE  directional shift indicates a change of plans and rejuvination? However idealism is not recommended in Westeros. Why they killed off the only two good characters in the country, is as big a mystery as why the entire nation of Dorne seems to consist of one water garden. Admittedly I did enjoy the sand snake cousin-killing, though even that humour felt cheap compared to the wider show.

Daenerys’ contempt for her captors was a joy to behold. Odds-on once Drogon deigns her with his presence they will bow before her like the goddess she is. Although they are NEVER going to remember all those titles.

Finally we climaxed upon Melisandre’s big reveal, which confirmed a long held fan theory. Beautifully done, however I can’t help wondering if the shock value would be greater if we saw the old crone become the red woman? Once her hands went to the choker it felt inevitable.

The story is finally untangling before our eyes – thank the old gods and the new it was worth the wait.

Deaths – 3

Nudity – 1 rather crucial reveal

Dragons – 0 (Drogon where art thou)

Direwolves – 1

Days until next episode – too many.

JON SNOW’S TOP FIVE GAME OF THRONES MOMENTS

Winter has come. All men must die. But not Jon Snow. We will not accept that. Nope. The time has come fellow Thronesians – in one day (at 2am tomorrow to be precise) Season 6 will debut, and sex, death, and dragons will return to the small screen. As a firm believer than we have not seen the last of the late Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch I decided to feature the temporarily dead bastard of Winterfell in this final countdown installment. With Thoros of Myr’s return confirmed, it is surely only a matter of episodes before he, and his beautiful hair, are reunited with his beloved Ghost. Right? RIGHT?!

Brother Sam

The honorable bastard protects the cowardly soldier.

Ygritte

Turns out he did know something after all.

All Grown Up

He left a boy, he returned a man – screw with him at your peril, watchmen!

Victory & Defeat

He won the battle, but lost his heart *sob*

Hardholme

THE. BEST. SCENE. EVER.

 

And as it is the final countdown I gift you with a BONUS BEST BIT. You are welcome.

Man’s Best Friend

ALL of the FEELINGS!

 

For all of the other countdowns to pass the time until 2am (eeek) see below:

View Daenerys’ top 5 moments here

View the Hound’s top 5 moments here

View Sansa’s top 5 moments here

View Jamie’s top 5 moments here

View Margaery’s top 5 moments here

View Cersei’s top 5 moments here

View Tywin’s top 5 moments here

View Catelyn Stark’s top 5 moments here

View Jorah’s top 5 moments here

View Samwell’s top 5 moments here

View Brienne’s top 5 moments here

View Ned’s top 5 moments here

View Arya’s top 5 moments here

View Tyrion’s top 5 moments here

TYRION’S TOP 5 GAME OF THRONES MOMENTS

TWO DAYS UNTIL WESTEROS! THIS IS NOT A DRILL. To celebrate, today’s countdown features everyone’s favourite character- Tyrion Lannister. The witty heart of the show, man of the people even when the people hate him. Expert in wine drinking. Avid reader, slapper of Joffrey, and all around good guy.

If he dies we riot.

Educating Snow

The dwarf teaches the bastard that the world is wider than Winterfell.

The Bad Man Who Didn’t Fly

Trial by combat, child despots and an unlikely champion – watch out for the moment the Lannister pays his debts.

Blackwater

The speech to end all speeches. I defy anyone to remain unmoved be this rallying cry

Trial

Guilty of being a dwarf, but innocent of all crimes. Love that he fights back, hate that it changes nothing *cowers behind sofa*

Meeting of the Minds

The lion dwarf and the dragon mother. In the same room. Playing verbal chess. We can now die happy (unlike Tywin. Ha.)

View Daenerys’ top 5 moments here

View the Hound’s top 5 moments here

View Sansa’s top 5 moments here

View Jamie’s top 5 moments here

View Margaery’s top 5 moments here

View Cersei’s top 5 moments here

View Tywin’s top 5 moments here

View Catelyn Stark’s top 5 moments here

View Jorah’s top 5 moments here

View Samwell’s top 5 moments here

View Brienne’s top 5 moments here

View Ned’s top 5 moments here

View Arya’s top 5 moments here