Stark

85 THOUGHTS I HAD WHILST DEVOURING THE GAME OF THRONES SEASON 7 FINALE

1. I never get tired of seeing the Stark banner over Winterfell
2. Please don’t let the Stark sisters kill each other.
3. The juxtaposition of unsullied alongside Dothraki is pleasing
4. Tyrion on Kings Landing’: ‘the brothels are far superior’ season 1 flashbacks.
5. The Hound baiting the trapped ice zombie is giving me Walking Dead vibes
6. A dragon arena? Why have we never heard of this before?
7. Presumably because there were no more dragons.
8. Now only 2 *sob*
9. A Tyrion, Pod and Bronn reunion!


10. And Brienne and The Hound! All the feels. Look at them discussing Arya like proud parents.
11. Oooh will Bronn defect to Tyrion, or is he all brotherly with Jamie now?
12. They are all in one place and my brain can’t cope
13. So why isn’t Dany here? Sorry – Daenerys.
14. Is she still mourning Viscerion? I know I am.
15. Cleganebowl teaser: ‘ you know who’s coming for you, you’ve always known’. Grab some chicken people.
16. DRAGON ALERT!
17. Just in case they forgot who she was and all. Dragon Queen, Mother of Dragons etc etc.
18. Cersei’s expression is pricesless – they’ve lost before they have even begun
19. Dany’s hair is intricately on point as always this season.
20. ‘My apologies’ translation: ‘I have never been less sorry’


21. Euron stop interrupting – he is the rude drunk uncle at a family gathering who everyone pretends not to know.
22 ‘We are a group of people who does not like one another’ understatement of the year.
23. Jon really has improved his public speaking.
24. Enter the Hound with an early christmas present for them all this winter…
25. Why isn’t it moving? They don’t die surely?
26. There we go – zombie city
27. Even Jamie froze at the monster made flesh. Rotting flesh but still.
28. Of course Qyburn wants an undead hand.
29. Cersei is just letting Euron run away scared? WHAAAT?
30.She’s agreeing to a truce? That easily?
31. No, of course not. Trying to force Jon to be neutral. Good luck with that.
32. ‘I ask it only of Ned Stark’s son’ Yep just namedrop the father you murdered.
33. Plus he ISN’T Ned’s son, but I digress…


34.’I cannot serve two queens ‘ you tell her Jon. Daenerys looks equally frustrated and adoring.
35. ‘Have you every considered learning how to lie? Oh Tyrion its like you don’t know Jon at all
36. ‘When enough people make false promised word’s stop meaning anything’ Well said Jon. You listening Donald?
37.. Is Tyrion going to trade his life for their allegiance? By the old gods and the new I hope not.
38.’ I don’t want to destroy our family I never have’ really Tyrion? Because your new queen might have something to say about that.
39. ‘Put an end to me’ you are standing in front of your murderous sister asking her to kill you, really not a great plan…
40.The axe does not fall. Does she hate him less that we thought?
41. They do both share a love of wine


42. And so Cersei’s pregnancy is discovered. That must be why she didn’t touch the wine
43. Jon and Dany are falling more in love with every passing second: ’has it occurred to you she might not have been a reliable source of information’ the witch who murdered my husband? Nah she seems legit. Good point Snow, good point.
44. ‘I will march my armies North to fight alongside you’ surely not? I know she wants her unborn child to live, but this is a rather pleasant outcome considering,well, her.
45. Back at Winterfell Littlefinger is breeding more discontent
46. Oh Sansa don’t fall for it. He wants you alone and unprotected. To use your pain for his advantage
47. However I do believe that Arya could kill Sansa. She has threatened as much after all.
48. Arya never wanted to be ‘Lady of Winterfell’ that I do know. However she is perfectly capable of killing a sister she believes ‘betrayed’ the family. judgemental much little Stark? #teamsansa


49. I love seeing Jon and Daenerys working together, it gives me goosebumps: ‘I am not coming to conquer the north, I am coming to save the north’.
50. Oh poor Theon, what a miracle you are still alive
51 ‘You always knew what was right’ and just like that he and Jon are brothers back at Winterfell. My heart is sore
52. ‘You’re a Greyjoy, and your a Stark’ WILL. NOT. CRY.
53. Theon is finding the hero’s clothes rather suit him after all.
54. His grin when the insubordinate sailor fails to knee him in his (non-existent) manhood is a beautiful, blood-covered picture.
55. Sansa is brooding back in the north. This can’t be good. Please don’t let the sisters kill each other Please please please.
56. ‘How do you answer these charges…LORD BAELISH!!!!!’
57. Can’t type – doing a happy dance!!! YES YES YES YES.
58. Did I mention YES.


59. ‘Which charges confuse you’ Sansa is FIERCE
60. ‘None of your were there’ – are we forgetting the three eyed raven formerly known as Bran?
61. I’m so happy right now I even like Bran
62. The student has become the master ‘ sometimes I play a little game…I’m a slow learner, but I learn.’
63. Killed with his own dagger. Revenge is sweet. Helps to have an assassin as a sister and an all-seeing brother.
64. Ah so Cersei’s true colours are revealed once more. No deal. Just more lies. Should have known.
65. ‘Let the monsters kill each other’ including you Cersei?
66. She has bought mercenaries with ELEPHANTS? I look forward to seeing that
67. Euron DIDN’T flee? Curveball.
68. She is threatening to kill JAMIE? She really has gone mad.


69. And so the Oathkeeper finally leaves his Queen Well done Jamie. Well done.
70. Sam finally returned North.
71. Sam is all of us in this moment: ‘I remember everything’ *smiles nicely and pretends to understand*
72. And now the true parentage is finally said OUT LOUD.
73. R+L=J
74. You wouldn’t be forgetting who drew your attention to this secret marriage of Jon’s parents which changes everything, would you Sam? WOULD YOU?
75.. We know the truth Gilly
76. Shame Rhaegar has Viscerys wig, but otherwise a beautiful wedding
77. Jon’s name is AEGON????
78.. This is a lot to take in, especially while watching him make love to his aunt


79. I can’t help but be pleased for them. Is that wrong?
80. Of course we can’t end happily, so we return to Eastwatch.
81. The dead have come. And they brought a dragon
82. Oh Viscerion how you’ve changed. *cries into laptop*


83. RUN TORMUND RUN
84. The wall has fallen, and the dead march on. Roll on Season 8. VALAR MORGHULIS
85. But if Dany dies we riot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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GAME OF THRONES SEASON 7 – THE GOOD AND THE BAD – FROM ARYA TO TYRION

We are now halfway through Season 7 (where did the weeks go?), and so the time is ripe for a recap. Read on for the best and worst the season has offered so far to our friends (and enemies) in the seven kingdoms.

 

Arya

THE GOOD
The best season opener BY A MILE. Wiping the Freys off the Westerosi map once and for all was a long awaited masterstroke.

THE BAD
That Ed Sheeran scene was just embarrasing.

 

Bran

THE GOOD
Not applicable. Does not compute. Although if he keeps making Littlefinger freak out I may change my mind.

THE BAD
No remorse for killing Hodor and Summer, no real gratitude to Meera for dragging him home nearly single-handed…Oh and then once emo Bran re-entered his childhood halls he reminded his long lost sister of that time she was raped. Someone needs a lesson in brotherly love (not from Jaime though).

 

Brienne

THE GOOD
That battle with Arya! The Westerosi women are FIERCE.

THE BAD
Not enough of her so far, More of the lady knight please!

 

Cersei

THE GOOD
She has a brand new black-centric wardrobe and excellent taste in floor murals.

THE BAD
She has gone FULL DISNEY VILLAIN. So far she has killed three main characters and betrothed herself to a crazed pirate king, But she does it all with such style…

 

Daenerys

THE GOOD
She. Has, Finally. Reached. Westeros!
She has met Jon Snow!
THAT Dragon battle!

THE BAD
She has lost pretty must all of her allies, and Mr Snow is not keen on knee bending. Plus her Targaryen fierceness could very easily become despotic behaviour…don’t fly to the dark side Khaleesi!

 

Davos

THE GOOD
He seems pretty happy with his new King. He even cracked a grammar joke – Stannis would be proud.

THE BAD
While I like to see the Onion Knight smiling for a change, I kind of miss gruff Davos. Is that wrong? Plus he seriously needs to work on his King’s introduction.

 

Jaime

THE GOOD
Apart from Bronn’s friendship (which he pays for) and the occasional night with his sister (ew) Jaime’s life is spiralling in a downward direction what with his children’s murders, sister’s madness, kingdom at war etc…

THE BAD
Finding out his sister framed his brother.
And trying to kill the mother of dragons in front of her FULLY GROWN DRAGON. Smart Jamie. Really smart.

 

Jon

THE GOOD
He is still the King in the North and he hasn’t died (again). Plus Dani allowed him to mine for dragonglass, which makes him ever so slightly more prepared for impending doom.

THE BAD
Aforementioned impending doom in the form of white walkers.
Plus he and Sansa aren’t exactly best friends.
Oh, and the Mother of Dragons is insisting he BEND THE KNEE.
A walk in the park, eh Jon?

 

Sansa

THE GOOD
Jon left her in charge of Winterfell – finally Sansa has some power!
And she is proving a dab hand at performing her duties as Lady Stark.
And let’s not forget the STARK REUNION.
THERE ARE THREE STARKS IN WINTERFELL!!!! BE STILL MY BEATING HEART

THE BAD
Littlefinger.
And that reunion with Bran was pretty traumatic, making her relive her wedding night rape. Screw you Bran.
Finally there is the rather irksome point that one sibling is king in the north, one is a ninja warrior and one is a psychic-raven-thing. Sibling rivalry is tough.

 

Tyrion

THE GOOD
He is the Hand of the Queen! And the reunion with Jon was a thing of beauty.

THE BAD
Alllll of his plans have gone wrong. Ooops.

 

To end on a bright note, we can all now look forward to a sand snake free season – so that’s a relied for everyone right?

VALAR MORGHULIS.

JON SNOW’S TOP 5 MOMENTS OF SEASON 6 – GAME OF THRONES COUNTDOWN

Rally the realm – only 2 days to go until we return to the bloody shores of Westeros, where the gods are old and new, where fear cuts deeper than swords, and where, inevitably, all men must die.

To celebrate the start of season 7, on each of the 7 days (see what I’m doing here) leading up to our return to the 7 kingdoms I will recap a character’s best bits of season 6 – a year when kings died, fire reigned and a girl was definitely someone.

*Season 6 spoilers – obviously*

Here are JON SNOW’S TOP 5 MOMENTS of season 6

JON LIVES OK?

We all cried at the end of season 5. We all thought he HAD to come back. They all lied through their teeth for a year. And then this happened…

JON’S JUSTICE

The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. I truly believe if Olly had shown the slightest sign of repentance Jon would have shown mercy, but the short sighted killers had to go, and Jon conducted his duty with his own sword, as his father had taught him.

JON’S BATTLE

This battle of the bastards. Good against evil. Snow against Snow. RIP Wun Wun. Notice the use of the Mormont shield, and that Sansa only has to look at Jon for him to stay his fists and leave the Bastard of Bolton to be dealt with at her hands. The hunted Starks become the victorious residents of Winterfell once more.

JON’S IDENTITY

R+L=J

JON’S KINGSHIP

Listen to Lyanna Mormont. She is wise. All hail the King in the North! (Sorry Robb).

ARYA’S TOP 5 SEASON 6 MOMENTS – GAME OF THRONES COUNTDOWN

Rally the realm – only 4 days to go until we return to the bloody shores of Westeros, where the gods are old and new, where fear cuts deeper than swords, and where, inevitably, all men must die.

To celebrate the start of season 7, on each of the 7 days (see what I’m doing here) leading up to our return to the 7 kingdoms I will recap a character’s best bits of season 6 – a year when kings died, fire reigned and a girl was definitely someone.

*Season 6 spoilers – obviously*

Here are ARYA STARK’S TOP 5 MOMENTS of season 6

ARYA’S TRAINING

Fear cuts deeper than swords, although eyesight would help. Not to worry – a girl still has her list and is adapting rather nicely to the dark…

ARYA’S TEST

A girl is not no one, and can’t kill just anyone. They need to deserve it – hence the list. Get with the programme Jaquen.

ARYA’S FRIEND

This is Arya’s first real friend since she and Gendry parted ways ( not including ‘The Hound’ as that one is a little complicated. Sure this friendship doesn’t last long due to – seemingly inevitable – murder, but it is still a nice change to see Arya receive some kindness, rather than being beaten with a stick/stabbed in the stomach.

 

ARYA V THE WAIF

She had it coming.

ARYA THE ASSASSIN

As did he. Pie anyone?

SANSA’S TOP 5 SEASON 6 MOMENTS – GAME OF THRONES COUNTDOWN

Rally the realm – only one week to go until we return to the bloody shores of Westeros, where the gods are old and new, where fear cuts deeper than swords, and where, inevitably, all men must die.

To celebrate the start of season 7, on each of the 7 days (see what I’m doing here) leading up to our return to the 7 kingdoms I will recap a character’s best bits of season 6 – a year when kings died, fire reigned and a girl was definitely someone.

*Season 6 spoilers – obviously*

 

Here are SANSA STARK’S TOP 5 MOMENTS of season 6.

Sansa and the Knight in Shining Armour

I’m not ashamed to admit this made me cry. So many echoes of her mother are present in this moment. She is remembering the lady she used to be, while retaining the steeling inner core honed through years of  hell. All hail Lady Stark, and the LADY that saves her! It feels rather fitting that after being abused by men for five seasons it was a woman who set her free. Valar Morghulis.

Sansa and Snow

I honestly thought this day might never come. A Stark reunion has so often been teased but then cruelly thwarted at the last moment. I may have jumped up and down. A lot.

Sansa Shuts Down the Mockingbird

This was beautifully played. I am choosing to ignore the hints that Littlefinger will turn Snow and Stark on each other, because firstly I think she knows better than to trust his words, and secondly I CANNOT COPE WITH THAT. Her icy rejection of his excuses, apologies and overtures of friendship are incredibly satisfying because she is right – either he threw her into Ramsey’s clutches knowingly (VILLAIN) or he didn’t know (STUPID FOOL). Ether way that is one pretty big hole to dig your way out of…

Sansa Slays

Yes I know it’s gruesome but it is oh so satisfying. Poetic too, that the sadistic psychotic hunter is killed but his own hounds. From hunter to hunted, eh Ramsey?

Sansa + Snow = Winter (Naturally)

I’m not all that sure she needs to apologise for saving the day, especially when she offered her help and he turned it down (grrrr). However the brother/sister (or should that be cousin) bonding is heartwarming, and poor old dead Ned did promise Winter, so that’s one thing the Starks got right.

GAME OF THRONES – WHO WILL SURVIVE SEASON 7?

All Men Must Die – this we have learned season upon season in the realms of Westeros. From poor old dead Ned to the deep fried Queen Margaery we have lost some true gems of the seven kingdoms. Of course we have also seen some well deserved gruesome exits – who can blame Sansa for smiling as the hounds turned on their master? And is if it is wrong to cheer when a sadistic king who tortures whores for fun is poisoned at his own wedding, well then I don’t want to be right. The question, now that Season 7 is approaching at dragon speed, is who will survive the the year, and who will die before the credits roll?

Here are my predictions for the survivors and casualties of the upcoming season.

 

MOST LIKELY TO DIE IN TRULY GRUESOME GOT STYLE

1.Cersei

Because once you go full Disney villain you don’t get a happy ending.

2.Grey Worm and/or Missandei

Because it would be oh so Romeo and Juliet, except for, you know, the eunuch problem.

3.Brienne

Because someone we adore is bound to die, and she is just as noble as Eddard – and look how well things turned out there.

4. The Mountain

Clegane Bowl. It’s gotta happen. And we all know who’s gotta win – pass him a chicken. No! Make that two…

5. Littlefinger

Because Sansa is pretty badass now, and he has played her one too many times. Plus he is trying to divide the Starks – and if we have established one thing, its that Jon Snow doesn’t suffer fools. Hear that Olly?!

 

MOST LIKELY TO SURVIVE THE SEASON

1.Jon Snow

Because he can’t die twice. He isn’t Buffy Summers for crying out loud.

2.Daenerys

Because dragons.

3. Tyrion

Because we would riot. Plus I think he will die saving everyone next season *sob*.

4. Jorah

Because Dani told him not to die. And he would rather disembowel himself that disobey her. Plus now that he has greyscale his death would be way too predictable

5. Melisandre

Because the night is dark and full of terrors, and her mysterious story doesn’t even feel half told. She will have a chance to redeem herself in the war to come.

Here end my predictions. Valar Morghulis fellow Thrones fans. We meet again when winter has come – in July.

HAPPY BLOGMAS – TV HEROINE OF THE DAY – DAY 1 – SANSA STARK

Each day in Advent I will be celebrating one of the TV heroins of 2016 -as let’s face it, it has been a pretty sucky year, and we could all use some female fictional icons to take our mind off Brexit, Trump, and the general doomsday vibe!

Why a heroine and not a hero? Well one of the reasons I am such a TV fanatic is that the genre seems to be far more ‘equal-opportunities’ than it’s film relation. No longer are the fairer sex subjected to the role of love interest or sister – they are now allowed to be rulers, protagonists, and saviours of mankind. This is both forward-thinking and inspiring, as, let’s face it, a story with twice as many complex characters is twice as interesting!

1st December

Heroine: Sansa Stark

Sansa starts off the every-girl, all about finding her prince charming, having mini princes and princesses, and generally living up to her archetype. Of course her prince charmings tend to be left wanting – first Joffrey, then Ramsay. Rather than wail and moan at her misfortune, the least scrappy stark grabs a backbone and begins to fight back. Who said girl power was dead?

Top 3 Sansa moments of 2016

  1. Sansa speaks her mind

2. Sansa fights for a seat at the table

3. Sansa’s revenge

39 THOUGHTS I HAD WHILST WATCHING GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 EPISODE 9 – THE BATTLE OF THE BASTARDS

1. OK. So this is the big one. Sadist versus Snow.
2. Jon can’t die AGAIN right?
3. Wait – MEREEN?!
4. We get TWO battles?! Oh HBO you spoil us.
5. Let us take a minute to admire Dany’s braid-work in a time of crisis.
6. The dwarf tempers the less attractive Targaryen qualities – perhaps the madness can be tempered by reason in a small package?
7. Those Masters are far to smug to stay alive .Plus no one owns Grey Worm. He is a free elf! I mean- man.
8. The slavers should probably not have forgotten she owns dragons. Three of them.

HBO

HBO

9. Oh, and also she has a Dothraki horde at her beck and call – horses beat harpies, every time.
10. We should probably take a minute to appreciate how amazing grey worm is *appreciative silence*
11.The North is an icy oil painting
12. ‘You don’t have to be here’ ‘yes I do’ you tell him, Sansa.
13. Lyanna Mormont’s scowl is a weapon of mass destruction.

HBO

HBO

14. Honour and righteousness meet cunning and bloodlust.
15. But Jon can be cunning too: ‘will your men want to fight for you, when they hear you wouldn’t fight for them?’
16. Sansa doesn’t feel the cold. She IS the cold: ‘you’re going to die tomorrow Lord Bolton. Sleep well’.
17. Jon explaining military tactics to Tormund is precious.
18. Sansa is taking down the patriarchy one man at a time: ‘did it ever once occur to you that I might have some insight?!’
19. He would do well to listen to his little sister. Jon has seen hell, sure, but Sansa has lived it.
20. ‘We’ll never get him back…he won’t live long’ harsh, but I am not betting on Rickon surviving the episode.
21. ‘Has the Iron Islands ever had a queen before?’ ‘No more than Westeros’. well played, Yara. Welcome to the kick-ass queen mutual appreciation society.

HBO

HBO

22. ‘I never demand but I’m up for anything really’ – the queen is amused.
23. Can you feel the love in this pyramid?
24. Back at the battlefield, Ramsey’s games are about to begin.
25. The sadist drags the littlest direwolf out to ‘play’

HBO

HBO

26. ‘Don’t!’ Tormund knows better, Sansa warned him, but Jon falls hook line and sinker.
27. What follows is a tangle of flailing hooves, broken bodies and howling screams.
28. Jon is crushed by bodies, choking for life, drowning among the dead
29. The trampled hero choses to live! Praise the old gods and the new!

HBO

HBO

30. Tormund gets a second wind as Sansa brings a saving grace over the hilltops.
31. Now Ramsey is the hunted. He looks less than amused.
32. The she-wolf that Sansa has become smells blood and starts to smile
33. Notice the shield Snow uses to deflect Ramsey’s final futile attack features the Mormont bear – little Lyanna will be pleased
34. Only Sansa’s flinty expression makes Lord Snow put vengeance on pause.
35. Ramsey is even smug in defeat – ‘I’m part of you now’ Ye gods I hope not.
36. It shouldn’t be this satisfying to see a man eaten face-first by his own hounds.
37. And yet it is.
38. Sansa’s smile as she walks away is everything.

HBO

HBO

39. Long live the She-wolf!

Dragons – ALL THREE! Dracarys slaver scum!
Direwolves – None, which is probably for the best as no-one wants any more canine deaths.
Nudity – No time for naughty business during the battle.
Deaths – Oh thousands. Happily, though, the hounds are now fed.

58 THOUGHTS I HAD WHILST WATCHING GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 EPISODE 8 ‘NO ONE’

1.Opening with Essie Davis is always a good idea.
2.If this Cersei were the real Cersei Kings Landing would be a happier place.
3.So it stands to reason that the bloody little stark would hide behind her curtains.
4.I have a feeling this motherly actress is too nice to live.

HBO

HBO

5.Oh the brutal brotherhood. Really? Still alive? Disappointing.
6.YES the Hound returns – armed and dangerous- they’re not laughing now.
7.Slaughter probably shouldn’t be so satisfying.
8.‘You’re shit at dying you know that’ – the Hound and Bronn get all the best lines.
9.The Eunuch’s departure does not bode well for Tyrion.
10.Who is Varys heading to for help? The Tyrells? The Dornish?
11.Remember Dorne? I try not to.
12.Cersei’s following has grown rather small – creepy Qybern and the Franken-Mountain.

HBO

HBO

13.Wow Lancel may be just as repulsive as Tommen – weakness masquerading as righteousness.
14.‘You have a keen military mind pod’ Brienne, queen of the sardonic put-down.
15.Bronn and Pod the reunion! T shirts will be made.
16.The first rule of Bronn’s Fight Club is – fight dirty.
17.Brienne is the good knight on Jamie’s soldier.
18.Sadly he listens to his sister and inner demons.
19.She sees the good in him, but he is blind to it.
20.She tries to return his sword – I may cry.

HBO

HBO

21.He’s not my friend – oh Brienne, who are you kidding.
22.‘She’s exactly like her mother’ let’s hope Sansa stays alive longer than Cat …
23.I do love the Blackfish’s spirit – even if his attitude to the siege is rather kamikaze.
24.Cersei’s uncle may not be on her Christmas list this year ‘your place is in the gallery’
25.‘From this day forward trial by combat will be forbidden’ wow, Tommen is challenging Joffrey for worst son in Westeros.
26.The ‘old rumour’ the little birds are chirping of to Qyburn – would it be to do with wildfire?
27.Meerenese Tyrion continues to be defined by his alcoholism.
28.Although his argument that Grey Worm is obeying his masters by abstaining is clever.
29.‘The Imp’s Delight’ sounds like a name for something rather more sinister than wine…
30.The outlook for Missandei and Grey Worm’s comedy career is bleak
31.…and the (rather forced) laughter is interrupted by an invading slaver fleet, naturally.
32.Tobias Menzies (Edmure) is one of the greatest actors of modern TV ( see Outlander).

HBO

HBO

33.He shows more spirit when captive than he ever did free ‘how do you live with yourself?’
34.‘Don’t talk about Cat’ – and my Stark-loving heart breaks just a little more.
35.Jamie truly has returned to the dark side. He wears it well though.
36.And so Riverrun falls, suddenly yet inevitably, due to Lannister cunning and sworn loyalties.
37.It’s like Ned Stark all over again.
38.You’ll serve Sansa far better than I ever could – well why not fight for her TOGETHER then?!!!
39.Is the Blackfish truly dead and buried? is this a Stannis or Hound situation?
40.The twilight escape of Brienne and Pod shows us a last glimpse of Jamie’s better qualities.

HBO

HBO

41.There is warmth in his heart, but his fist is still golden.
42.‘You do not know what the army should do’ – Grey Worm tells it like it is.
43.Dany’s home – and she doesn’t look impressed. Regal? Yes. Happy? Not so much.
44.Would it have killed Drogon to stick around a little longer? Burn a few slavers, like old times?
45.It is pleasing to learn the Brotherhood still have a good name.
46.I hope Sandor joins Thoros and Company – think of the witty repartee.
47.If this hanging party means Lady Stoneheart has been forsaken, I will mount an insignificant but highly impassioned protest.

HBO

HBO

48.And so the actress makes her final exit, thanks to the waif, who seems to be made of pure evil.
49.Farewell Lady Crane, you were too good for this world. Literally.
50.Is the House of Black and White really just a bunch of sadistic assassins? Why the pretence at spirituality then?!
51.The chase is incredible – I love the clumsiness of the spectacle.
52.More back alley brutality than James Bond glamour

HBO

HBO

53.No one should find murder this fun
54.Unless they are killing Joffrey of course.
55.A girl doesn’t need eyes to see, and doesn’t need light to kill
56.Goodbye and good riddance to the Waif.

HBO

HBO

57.‘A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell, and I’m going home’ : cue cheering, dancing and general jubilation
58. A man can put it in his pipe and smoke it – the Stark is back, and though she is little she is mighty.

NUDITY – None
DEATH – Lady Crane (Boo) the Waif (Yay) plus assorted murderers.
DRAGONS – One, ever so briefly.
DIREWOLVES – None, but then there aren’t many left…

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 EPISODE 6 – BLOOD OF MY BLOOD

Over halfway through the season the pieces are starting to fall into place, but the final picture remains unclear. Characters collide, re-emerge from their hiding places and wage war on their enemies, but the iron throne is still very much in play.

Bran, my least favourite giant killer, obviously hasn’t learned the concept of chivalry, and leaves poor Meera to run for both their lives yet again. No amount of visions will bring Hodor back Bran! Although the glimpse of the mad king amongst the flashbacks is truly spectacular. Then as another Stark death seems imminent a mysterious fire-wielding horseman enters stage left. Perhaps he took the ‘burn them all’ vision a little literally. And the saviour behind the scarves? Long lost Uncle Benjen! Frostbitten, but alive. He’s no Hodor, but a pleasant surprise nontheless.

South of the wall Randyll Tarly is a new candidate for worst father in Westeros. If Tywin wasn’t dead, he’d be jealous. Let Sam eat his bread you racist tyrant! This is by far the best part of the episode. Gilly cleans up nicely – the Seven Kingdoms version of Disney’s Belle, but with a sharper tongue when provoked. “I’m angry that horrible people can treat good people that way and get away with it’ . Welcome to the seven kingdoms Gilly. The unlikely hero’s roasting on home turf left a bitter taste in the mouth, but his change of heart is both unexpected and wonderful, As always Samwell does his heroism by night, where no one can see. Our favourite couple flee with babe and sword in arms – we’ll be seeing more of daddy dearest then.

The curtain rises on the second act of the play with in a play , the satirised propaganda of the seven kingdoms, the Westerosi Mock the Week. Lady Crane makes even Joffrey piteous – a good actress playing a good actress playing a queen- an triumph of a performance. If the real Cersei had been half as charming, Arya would never have fled Kings Landing. Her name today was Mercy, and the wannabe poisoner took it to heart: ‘careful of that one, she wants you dead’. A girl is still a Stark, and a girl retrieves needle once more! Finished with stick fighting and floor washing, our favourite assassin is once more armed and dangerous…. and on Jaquen’s list.

And now for the greatest anticlimax of the episode: Kings Landing. Margaery’s lucious locks remain in tact because there is to be no walk of shame. Jamie’s dramatic horsemanship is undercut by the Sparrow’s checkmate – Tommen the brainless strikes again, pandering to fanatics, and stopping the much hyped battle on the steps of the sept, before it starts. I believe Margaery is playing the long game, and that her gullible husband will be playing a rather shortened version.

For the finale Dany’s favourite baby returns to give the Khaleesi wings, and the dragon queen rides again! Her speech is inspiring and terrifying in equal measure. She riles the troops, but is HBO hinting at a Targaryen tyrant lurking within the breaker of chains? I truly hope not. There is more than one way to kill a favourite character – please Mr Martin, don’t kill mine.

Dragons: Welcome back Drogon

Direwolves: None, since Bran allowed his to DIE

Deaths: None (barring white walkers)

Nudity: None. This is Westeros right?